Is this another one of those depressing songs that you and I cannot relate to?
Songs of unrequited love just don't make sense to me anymore.

Staring at the ceiling
I have lived through harder days than this
but this empty pillow's suffocating
I have lived through harder days
but it ain't easy to say goodnight
and meet my bed alone
to search to no avail beneath these sheets
I have slept through longer nights
but this one won't let me

I'm staring at the ceiling
listening to the tapping of the second hand on my wrist
I'm wishing it could be yours
instead I lie alone
I miss the pieces of my broken heart
I've survived harder days than this
but I can't live again, again
won't live until we share this pillow
this pillow

no, I don't have anything to say
I'm just here by happenstance
someone gave me the mic
so give me the chance
to say something to break the silence
to shove it all into this hush
and break the mould
yeah, break the mould

now that it's over
finally over
all the fear in me subsides
it's taking over
take me over
and I'll leave everything behind

have I become something sickening
I have
but you can take me over
and make it new

Please
Won't lift a finger
yet raise his voice still
can't be the one to say
that this is pointless

to be
atrophied
over me
and still remain
the faintest memory

please

don't point the finger
just hear him out
can't be in crowded rooms
and singled out

please
give me rest
ammunition
to end my past
of inanition
don't let me remain
atrophied
over being me
to feel the pain
the faintest memory
of me

the sediment has been my friend
the junkie that cannot win
the moment that will not end
the prison
the cell within



I don't know where this came from. It was spontaneous but it felt like someone was speaking to me these words and showing me the mirror... my limbs are atrophied from settling for cheap highs. Spiritual highs. Walking only when it's the trend... or when I'm wheeled out of my bed. I lock myself in sin and in a constant cycle of crawling, bawling, repenting, and falling... I want to just walk with God and not waver between two opinions. I wrote this after watching The Basketball Diaries. It jumped out and slapped me like a baby who won't breathe... It hit me and I choked!! I don't need rest! The reason I get so tired is cause I settle for less. I walk with Jesus 7-days a year. I pick up my cross and throw it, so I can enjoy my sins and catch up on God when I'm needed again. I must sound like a total hypocrite to you who know me personally, when I lead you astray with me and repent the next day. Then I fall right back down. I'm tired of being tired. His Spirit's about to move, and I don't want to be left behind because I've grieved Him and missed out on Him using me in my lifetime. The "sediment has been my friend." The things I've settled for have held my hand like a drug dealer, only so much as I feed their income. You know what I mean? I want the hell out of this skin for a day to feel what godliness ... true godliness feels like. Comfort. Contentment. Rest in His peaceful assurance. If you hear me, pick me up, I beg you. I'm walking with Him today, but I'm already beginning to shake in the legs. My knees are buckling. I beg you...stop me from compromising in the faith. This poem's partially in third person, then in first person, because it's me...yet I'm looking at me from inside and outside cause I'm alien. Col. 1:21-22, however...

My watch has an indigo glow to it
so I know it's time for me to get to it,
school that is, when the sun's still hiding

I need strings on my puppets
acoustics, electrics
I need strings on my puppets
cause all I have left is my A

What If Judas Had Repented?
I give in to the sunlight
with a cord wound like a necktie
no one at my backside
except the only tree in this field

Aren't I just like you
I'd give away my life
but my spirit's headed south
my body's spinning 'round
I'll raise my eyes to you
looking to the sky above
something takes my hand and leads me away
down into the floor
as the sun goes farther down on me
is this the way it has to be

I know you'd never kiss me the way I kissed you
I remember the night we dined and died
you gave me life
like bread and wine
I pushed aside
our lives for thirty pieces of mine
and left you to bear the shame
my guilt, my crime

Am I so unlike you
or were you another man entirely
does my kiss embue my heart upon your cheek
was it you that left me hanging
or the cord I wound around these branches
Aren't I just like you

I am so unlike you
you gave and I dipped the morsel
left it to mold by the wayside of my heart
I washed my hands of your blood,
spit it at your feet after you washed mine
oh why did you treat me so kindly
I left your bread behind
abandoned the twelve with a tree to my back
I'm just like you
except that you can heal the wounded when you bleed
and you'd forgive a man who can't forgive himself

No one watched me tie the knot
No one heard my guilty silence
No one saw me struggle for life
No one but you
and I'm sorry
Aren't we all capable of this crime
Now we all need you
I know I'm nothing like you
I am nothing
completely incomplete
And no one cut the rope

I give into the sunlight
it's loneliest I've ever been
I'll always be without You
though my sanity returned to me
here I'll stay to hang forever
in one way or another
drowning in air beneath the sky
and I'm sorry for the kiss
and all the lip service
I'm sorry, Jesus
I'm sorry
Sorry...I
Gbmaj7 Bmaj7
F#maj7 E-(E w/G-string 3rd & fourth fret...) F#maj7 F#sus (Weird A-thing)

Thoughts on years past
What ever happened to my innocence?
I'd kill you to get it back again.
What ever happened to my better memories?
They're fading to the back again.

And somewhere in between me and the edge of the knife
lies the answer I've been looking for, right?
Everytime I dig in deeper, yet I pull it back before the bleeding.
What ever happened to my future?
Could I kill you and take it back again?
Could I live in the past again?
Only a while, my friend.
Only a while, my old, dead friend.

in love and denial
I didn't notice
I pretended you didn't
and neither did I
you didn't notice
who were we fooling
both of us were crazy
in love and crazy denial